Sibling rivalry vs revelry - Individual's choice or parents' upbringing?

July 2016

(Source: Google)

My dad and atta (dad's younger sister) recently celebrated their birthdays and foray into the '60 year youth club';). When we met for dinner, as usual they started reminiscing about their childhood, and though I have heard the stories innumerable times - it's amazing how animatedly they discuss the incidents, especially the singular way of riding a donkey ! (yup you read it right.. you have got to hear it to believe it.. LOL!). Looking at them I realised that all the Challa siblings were really close, and they loved keeping in touch even in adulthood - resulting in a lot of boisterous family get togethers and idyllic summer vacations with cousins, playing Mario in Hyderabad and exploring the countryside in Palakollu and Kakinada.

While browsing through my old papers, I found something that I had written a decade back in 2006. Though my writing back then seems very childish to me now, the general theme echoes my sentiments perfectly. My sister and I have never been rivals - we are very close, we fundamentally believe in the same things - from high standards of ethics to focus on understanding the concept rather than just getting an exam question right to loving all things animation and chocolate (remember that scene from the movie Frozen - that is so us 😉😊).

(Source: Google)

The only thing that my family and I were worried about was the endless annoying comparison - never at home but from outsiders. "Why aren't you pursuing CA like your dad and sister?" "Why didn't you stand first in class?" As much as I would like to take credit for us being best friends (Hey, I'm the elder one right ;), I have to admit that it is solely because of the conscious effort and sensible ground rules set by many parents (it's funny sometimes how one word from our mother tongue conveys more emotional depth than the phrase that I just conveyed here - the word I am thinking of is pempakam:).

1. Academic performance or achievements do not allow you to throw attitude or escape household chores: This was the golden rule - they never allowed our academic performance to dictate doing or not doing household chores. Once, I remember one of my school friends telling me that she was free from all household chores that month as she got first rank, and her mom had made it kind of a competition among the sisters at home. Like a fool that I was, I got carried away and asked my mom if she would give me give me the same benefits (even though the 'chores' were nothing more than basic stuff like setting up dinner or making our own bed et al). I still remember the look she gave me and her answer ' Does not getting first rank make anyone a lesser mortal?' The answer stung and then she explained that we do these tasks because we are part of family. Achievements, big or small, will be celebrated by family but should not affect our behaviour with family or outsiders. Till date, I have never forgotten this lesson, even when choosing a life partner (In my first article CHAMP I talk about the fact that education is not a proxy for character; and I don't want to marry a guy with a brilliant profile who treats his family like wood work).

Another extreme case in point from recent news: I was stunned into speechlessness when I read how the father of the Stanford graduate defended his son's heinous crime by mentioning that his son was academically brilliant and an Olympic swimmer - how the hell does this justify anything is completely beyond me!! There are innumerable news items of similar nature, but I rest my case.

2. No favoritism - I was always asked this question at school ' Whose favorite kid are you - Mom or Dad' and I used to be flummoxed by this question. I later realised that unlike many parents who termed one of the children as their favorite ( I cannot even begin to fathom what it means), my parents never hinted at home or outside that they preferred one over another. Sure, there were always references to facial resemblance, but they laughed at that and let it be.

3. Conflict resolution (Come on, let me show off at least once that I was an attentive listener in the MBA classes ;) - Again, very simple, both of them never encouraged either of us telling tales on one another. If something went wrong, both of us would get scolded either for not properly monitoring or for not helping the other. We soon realised that blame game would never work in the house :P. I have also heard scandalizing stories of siblings not talking for years because of petty fights; forget about such extreme scenarios, tantrums hinting avoidance of food were never tolerated.

4. Freedom to make life choices - I guess this is easier said than done. Aaru and I were allowed to pursue a career of our choice, not influenced by our parent's occupation. We became a Commerce family by choice, and not by design. The one thing we all debated was that though both Aaru and I had attended the same school, we decided its best she attended a different graduate college.

I had only one rule - follow my sister's fashion tips unquestioningly :D. Though my article is biased towards sister bonding, I am sure each one of us has special memories with our siblings. And facebook makes videos of these memories too, mine pointing out that both my sister and I like each other 262 times to be exact ;) 😊. I love how inter-twined our lives are, and how we experience similar phases, we both are currently sailing in the boat of joblessness. ;) (though she is definitely using her time more productively) and humming Sia's song:

Come on, come on, turn the radio on

It's Friday night and I won't be long

Gotta do my hair, I put my make up on

It's Friday night and I won't be long

Til I hit the dance floor

Hit the dance floor

I got all I need

No I ain't got cash

I ain't got cash

But I got you baby

Baby I don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight

(I love cheap thrills)

Baby I don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight

(I love cheap thrills)

But I don't need no money

As long as I can feel the beat

I don't need no money

As long as I keep dancing :D

Cheers to sisterversary 😉😂 (continuing the new words trend friendversary by fb 😝😄).